Tag: Relationships

Bachelor en Paradise

Finally, I’m all caught up with ABC’s “Bachelor in Paradise,” which makes me feel a little more qualified to talk about this week’s episodes.

If you haven’t seen any of the episodes, I recommend backing away from this blog post like, yesterday. Or continue reading for all the hot dets!

Anyway, I am saddened by Sarah’s departure on Monday night’s episode because I was actually looking forward to “Raniel.” She had a very interesting relation-ish going on with Daniel, the Canadian baconater. He tried so hard to get her to like him and when she did decide to give him a shot, he goes ahead and gives his rose to Haley the twin, who needed to be coerced by her other half, Emily, to lock lips with him. I guess it’s karma. Oh well, Sarah, you’re better off without Daniel.

Moving along…Bret from Andi’s season came on and managed to break up the first couple formed on this season’s “Bachelor in Paradise!” Yes, Izzy was so smitten or I should say “attracted” to Bret that she was willing to forgo her relationship with Vinny. Long story short, she approached Bret and told him that she was insanely attracted to him and wanted to let him know that because she wanted no regrets. Well, I’d say she should’ve thought about that before making it clear to Vinny that they shouldn’t go out with other people.

OMG, Caila is a flight risk, she’s so indecisive! Just before Bret caused the excommunication of Vinny and Izzy, he took Caila out on a double date with Emily and Carl, also from Andi’s season (I think). Anyway, they went on a booze cruise and Caila couldn’t handle it. When Bret first got to “Paradise,” he asked Caila out on the date and with Jared sitting next to her she accepted, but right after she said yes to him, she asked Jared to come have a talk with her. Maybe she finally remembered that she was dating Jared before Bret got there, IDK. Well, they did have the talk and after Jared expressed his anxieties about her going on that date, she told him she’d stay and then minutes later said she wanted to go. Being the supportive boyfriend, Jared assured her that it’s still all up to her to decide on what she wanted to do. After thinking it through on her way to speaking with Bret, Caila decided that she didn’t want to go on the date. The bantering and the convincing was so hard to watch that I felt the confusion going through Bret’s head trying to comprehend what Caila really wanted to do. She went back and forth with Bret for a while until she finally gathered up the strength to accept his date proposal.

Caila girl, get it together!!! That, however was the perfect opportunity for Ashley I. to spend some uninterrupted time with the object of her affection, Jared. Personally, I think they’d make a much better couple than him and Caila. Anyway, the point remains obvious, Caila is indecisive and insecure and she is quite easily mislead. Someone like that needs to be taken with a grain of salt, hence the reason Ashley I. makes a much better and stable (yes, I said it) partner for Jared.

On Tuesday night, Carly and Sir Evan went on a date to purify their union and ward off anything remotely related to negative energy. More than that, they solidified their relationship by telling each other how weirdly strong they both feel. Carly came around full circle because she now sees Evan’s sultry and worthy sides. I’m happy she came around, but it sucks that poor Evan had to get a needle in his arm to make her see that she’s missing out by not letting him in. I can hardly wait to see them progress because I really like Evan, he’s a great guy and I think it’s what Carly needs.

There’s some trouble in the water for Grant and Lace because with the ending of Vinny and Izzy, and the return of Jade and Tanner, who brought a date card to give to the most deserving couple, she’s having second thoughts about their relationship. So, Grant told her that he was in love with her and although she didn’t say it back to him, he knew that she also loved him. Regardless, she’s having cold feet. He was so romantic tonight when he took her on a couples massage retreat. I’d love to go on one…but I digress. Only next episode would bring clarity to their story, let’s stay tuned!

Overall, the show didn’t disappoint because hello, it’s “Bachelor in Paradise,” where the rejects of all “Bachelor [and] Bachelorette” shows go to frolic with each other in an attempt to find love. It’s cliched and cheesy, but you still have to show some “respeck” (as Birdman would say it). I was there from the beginning of the franchise with Alex Michelle, and more than 10 years later I will continue to love and support each contestant. So, there you have it, the most gossip-worthy highlights.

Until next time…

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Thanks, Mom

As much as I hate to admit this, it takes a certain kind of man to date and be in a committed relationship with a motherless woman. Yes, we’d hope that you will be there for us as any boyfriend or partner would, however there are a few more things we secretly want from you. Personally, I don’t expect anything more or less from my mate, but the mere fact that he does things without my asking or alluding, makes me feel extra special like my mother would have.

My mother and I had a rare, yet special kind of relationship. I am a product of an ectopic pregnancy and for those of you who are unaware of this birth type, it’s where an egg gets fertilized outside of the uterus and instead, latches itself onto the fallopian tube making it an extremely difficult pregnancy. In most cases, the woman either has an abortion or she simply miscarries, and in other cases, the fetus gets removed surgically. I was lucky! For months my mother endured massive amounts of pain, bleed as though she was menstruating, got tested for pregnancy and even thought it was fibroids or cancer, but she continued to get negative results. None of the nurses or doctors she had seen knew what it was. Eventually, a visiting American doctor performed a blood pregnancy test on her and found out that she was in fact, six months pregnant. Medicine in the 80’s was no where as advanced as it is now and thank God for that! Anyway, her health deteriorated and quickly, too. She became temporarily blind, was in a coma, had issues from water retention and at risk of losing her life as well as her baby’s. Both my grandma and father lamented on possible funeral arrangements because my mom was in such bad shape. Although the doctors initially planned on performing a c-section, they eventually delivered a healthy baby girl, vaginally. As per my mom, I looked like a rabbit. After about two weeks she was out of her coma and visually paired, and when the nurse brought me in to see her, mom had no idea she had given birth to a little pink hairy baby. Long story short, her health progressed and she was able to take me home, but only after she turned down the adoption request from the doctor, who delivered me and saved her life.

I was loved. If there was such a thing as loving your kid too much then my mother would win every award. She cherished me and I think it really had to do with her struggles while being pregnant with me. She was by far the most over-protective, most over-bearing, most strict, most passionate, most emotional, most pathetic parent ever, but she was great! To this day, I strongly believe that my birth played a role in the way I responded to her demands. I was very willful. Yes, she is my mother, however I never understood where and why her passion toward me was so strong, so I became an unwilling participant in her charades. I grew up strong-willed; blame it on her uterus for not opening up to me, but I was defiant and that drove her mad! There were days when my mom and I would battled like we were opposing soldiers and no, I am not proud of that, in fact I wish I could go back in time to change it. With every demand I asked a question, with every question I made a statement, with every statement I gave a response and when I have had enough, I would run out of the backdoor and head straight up the hill to my grandmother’s house. No one understood how and why a three-year-old had so much grown-up qualities and traits. It was for that very same reason, my mom sent me to school at two years old. In the weirdness of it all, I was more well-behaved at school than I was at home, and this continued throughout my life. The battles never stopped because my mom was a militant, partly from her training in the militia in her native country, Grenada, and from her love and dedication as a mother. All of which I did not fully understand until my early to mid twenties. By that time my mother and I had began a mutually respectful mother-daughter relationship.

Although I was testy, I was still treated like her baby and I am, however she never stopped doing the little things she knew would bring a smile to my face. I admit that I was spoiled-rotten! My mom would prepare whatever I wanted, did most of what I had asked of her, and cradled me when I needed her to. Whenever I became ill, she’d treat me like I was her queen, and I loved it! Even after her health started to decline, my mom took the time to prepare dinner, she continued to hug me at nights and often expressed to me that I was the apple of her eyes. The best part of my days was waking up next to her and being greeted by the warmth of her hands on my back. It didn’t matter what time I came home from work or play, my mom waited up for me. I’d simply get into my pajamas and hop on in bed right next to her. I started out my life as a daddy’s girl and ended up a mommy’s girl. My mother was beautiful as the heart she was blessed with. I remember how she loved taking in and caring for other people’s children. Any child who passed by looking frumpy and untidy, she’d take him or her in and would feed, bathe, clothe and put that child to nap until the parent(s) came home (it’s very common to do this in the islands because of their “village” mentality). My mom was loved and revered, some might even say she was a force to be reckoned with. She cared a lot about people and based her life off of charity, a trait passed on from my grandma, and she used her sense of care as a vehicle to enter the nursing field. My mother was the greatest! She made a lot of sacrifices and instilled in me the value and importance of love and charity.

After reading the article, “What It Is Like to Date a Girl Without a Mother” from the Huffington Post, I felt compelled to share my own thoughts on the subject matter. You see, I lost my mom a few years ago to a massive stroke, which was brought on by her complicated medical history. It was the most traumatic time in my life and all of the previous moments where I felt as though life was unkind to me, simply vanished. That dreadful day surpasses every single hardship I have encountered so far. There is nothing more difficult than hearing a doctor say to you, “I’m sorry, but we’ve done everything we could to save her.” Excuse me, “no, you haven’t because she’s dead!” This was my initial reaction, which was followed by my bellowing and the entire 9th floor of the Brookdale Hospital in Brooklyn, stepping out of their rooms and nursing station to find out where the noise was coming from. Anyway, for the duration of that week and the better half of the year, I was tried and tested and all I wanted to do was give up because the closest person to me in this entire world was no longer here. I was alone and without guidance, and my life as I knew it no longer existed. I was hollowed and broken! My coworkers and close friends helped me to see and think straight again.

Many years prior to my world’s end, I met a boy back in college, who left a lasting impact on me and who I was to become. Neither of us was perfect for the other because of our differences in nationality, race, weight and the likes, but we had a connection that was proven and continued to be tested over time. Eventually, we went our separate ways. There was never a dull moment though because whenever I came home on breaks from college, somehow we found a way to get together (we each had a soft spot for the other) then we would go our separate ways again. Not until my mother’s death did we become a couple, a real couple. By the time my mom passed away, we had both matured, had steady jobs and I had started seeing the bigger picture of life after death. So, I made the decision to move on with my solo life. We took a chance and dated for what it’s worth and found out that we have always enjoyed each other’s company, and that was the thing that kept us coming back to each other. Although we still had our issues, like everyone else, we consciously made the decision to continue our courtship. This April marks our 4th anniversary.

I love and care about this man almost as much as I do my parents, which translates to a lot. Either way, we continue to further what we have due to our love, commitment and adoration for each other. Listed are a few things that every guy should consider when he enters into a relationship with a motherless woman.

  1. Do not get into a relationship with her if you are afraid of love or to love because it is all she knows at this point. Regardless of someone’s relationship with their mother before her passing, this person now understands loss and she knows the value of your relationship. She might even appear to be over-bearing, but it is all based on her level of commitment and admiration for you.
  2. She is not in a rush to become a mother because she still needs to reflect on the child she once was and the mother she would like to become one day. When one life ends, usually another begins, however this statement is not one size fits all. Most of us, motherless women, just need time to become a person separate from the one our deceased mothers created.
  3. Be kind and understand that our loss never goes away, no matter how great our strength. I cry and I even talk in my sleep sometimes and often enough, I respond to my partner as if it was my mother lying next to me. Weird, I know, but he has so much of her traits and that to me is incredibly comforting. On many occasions I’ve referred to him as “mom” and thankfully he has a sense of humor to laugh with me about it.
  4. Be generous with your love because unless we’ve told you, you wouldn’t know how close or distant we were with our mothers. Shower us with hugs and cuddles, but not too much because the last thing we want is you thinking we are broken.
  5. The sweet things we do for you is a direct indication of what our mothers were like. As much as we all hate to become them, we do tend to take after her in some ways, so pay extra attention.
  6. We are emotional and passionate beasts because we have had to toughen up and design a singular, more independent life before you came along. It has nothing to do with you, so no need to feel responsible or remotely sorry for our tears once it starts. Just support us and pass the “Kleenex,” thanks!
  7. We expect you to love and cherish your mother as much as possible because how else will you be able to understand us and be able to relate to your own daughter one day. Surreptitiously, although we’re not looking for a mother, we are hoping to conflate with your family. And no, I am not being naive. Be well and continue to love each other in this tumultuous time we are living in.

 

Virgins have sex

In wake of the recent split between star football player, Tim Tiebow and Brazilian beauty queen, Olivia Culpo, I must comment! Every tabloid magazine have been running their story, alleging that the couple broke up due to lack of sex. First, it’s absolutely commendable that someone of his caliber made the decision to put his faith first above all else, not many of us could say so. Anyway, Olivia knew who she was getting involved with and I am positive that being an upstanding guy and all, he’d express his desires or lack thereof to her prior to their courtship. I’m not taking sides, but she’s fresh out of a relationship and maybe he was just another rebound guy for her (you can’t believe everything you hear). Granted, whatever the circumstances may be, I still think it was in their best interest to call things off. They’re young, a lot of opportunities are waiting for the two and they’re beautiful people, so it’s one of those “wrong time” moment for them.

In any case, I’d like to share my list of intimate “things” virgins can and still do. I met my current boyfriend several years ago in college when we were both virgins and I can tell you that we had FUN! No sexually active couple had more excitement than the two of us. Anyway, here’s my list- use it, abuse it, share it, dare it, call it what you want it, enjoy it!

  1. Make out like your life depends on it! I mean, really get into it. Eyes closed, mouth slightly opened, tongue pushed out, deep breath then release the suction cup. Every and anywhere, but nothing beats making out in the backseat of a car. Inhale, exhale just do it.
  2. Touch! Get to know what it feels like to be touched aimlessly without having a destination and I’m not just talking about fingering, I mean “the five love languages” type of touching. That’s a great way to know what your body responds to, which would make it a lot better for most people to understand what it is that they need to feel satisfied in and out of the bedroom. A simple touch on the face and arms alone could drive you mad, really. Touching is something that goes underrated and I think that people need to use their hands on their partners more than anything else. Plus, you’ll learn what type of language makes your sweetie say, “ah.”
  3. Hotels, motels, Holiday Inns, are relationship savers! $50 will get you a room for at least four hours in which you can get to know a lot about your honey, if you don’t have a place of your own, which by now you should. Anyway, just taking some time out to do something different and fun will absolutely help out your relationship in the long run (those of you who are parents and don’t think there’s enough time in the day to get everything done can also benefit from this). Instead of just going to a movie and having zero time to yourselves to enjoy each other, just get a motel room for four hours and you’d see the wonder it’ll do for you. At 21 and 23 when our parents were strict, we had no other choice but to get a room and make the best out of our virgin times.
  4. Nature-lize your courtship! I am positive that nature does a lot for not just your emotional and mental health, but for your relationship too because it gets your senses going. You have a far better chance of getting to know someone on an intimate level, while you’re one with what God has given us for free. It’s calming, it’s relaxing, it’s sometimes amusing and very intoxicating. A liar has no chance of telling a tale while you’re sitting by a river, maybe lying down, hands beneath your head, looking up at the clear blue sky with birds flying high, no way will they lie to you. Why do you think therapists make their offices so cozy and comfortable for their patients? It’s for you to feel relaxed and safe enough to express yourself without inhibitions, so give that much to your significant other.
  5. Eat, eat, eat! Go out to eat every now and again, not just for your health or social prowess, but to see how your future beau treats fellow humans. Being in love makes it impossible to see your lover as a flawed being, so going to restaurants, bars (if you’re into that kinda scene), ice cream parlors, department stores, and the likes will more than likely give you a taste of what to expect in the future! Bonus, his facial expression when he tries grilled octopus that’s a little bit salty. It’ll be a hint as to what his face will look like when you tell him you’ve overcooked the rice. Cough.
  6. Organize your agendas! Find an organization that the two of you are passionate about and spend time together volunteering. Trust me, you’ll both feel like extraordinary people after you’ve worked together towards a greater good, other than yourselves. The two of you will get to see each other’s “softer side.” It’s always nice to see your SO tending and caring for others because it shows you that your future kids will be safe when you leave the house.
  7. Fix this! Work on a project together. See how well the two of you work together, if you don’t yell then you didn’t do a good job. Psych! Just put something together because that’s where it’ll hit you and make you think of whether or not this person fits into your lifestyle.
  8. King of fornication! You can play with your genitals and not worry about getting warts. Whatever you do though, make sure to wash your hands (fingers) before touching her vagina because you don’t want your fluids (wink) to get into her! It’s completely fine to play the adult version of doctor with your SO, especially as a virgin because when you do become active, you’d already know what makes your erogenous zones palpitate. Get on with it! Sucking, licking and rubbing are also part of the package, literally.
  9. Cuddle buddy! Everyone enjoys some cuddling, so why not spend time holding each other, even if for a minute? It’s a stress reducer, plus it makes you feel a little safer knowing your SO could be your possible protector…one day. Cuddling also exposes you to his/ her scent and whether or not it’s tolerable. Some people genuinely have bad body odor because it’s their DNA, so that’s a great way to know if you’d be humping each other if and when the elevator’s stuck…for hours. Imagine that happening with uncle Fester! Anyway, cuddling also involves massages and ladies, take this one from personal experience, guys love it when you rub their heads (like the head containing your brain). I think it goes back to childhood when mothers, especially would massage their babies’ heads just to get the blood circulating and to calm them down or even to help reshape their skulls. Guys, your woman would do anything for you to rub her back and feet, so get the massage oil ready and dive in!
  10. Just spend time taking care of you! Good for you if you work out daily, but it’s not the only way to achieve great health. Check in with your doctor; make sure your vitals are in optimal shape and eat as organically as possible, don’t forget the people you’ve known all of your life, don’t neglect your education and continue on your career paths. Relationships are wonderful and it should be without thinking about it. Care for each other, comfort and support each other, pray for each other and just be kind. No one likes getting hurt, so why do it? Anyway, if someone wants to break up with you because of your virginal status, just say thank you and move along. Whatever decision you’ve made for your life is yours and do not allow anyone to change that, unless you agree. Ladies, as much as we’re hoping to change our rape culture, it starts with you, so don’t ever pull “the Olivia.”

 

In your eyes

In your eyes, I see the warmth of the sun,
the cool and caring breeze on a late summer day,
I see the honesty and innocence of a child,
a child eager and ecstatic to share his fun story about his art
project, I see myself, where I’ve been and where I’m going,
I see feathers, soft to the touch and caressingly comforting.

In your eyes, all is well, my burdens are no longer there,
I’m in pure joy and fulfillment, and the world looks far better
than it is, I see you and all that you are, in all of your glory,
stripped to the core, as you are, right there in front of me,
embracing me with your kindness, with the purest form of love,
right there in your eyes, I see empathy and deepest respect,
adoration and admiration shines through that little sparkle,
right there in the center of your eyes.

In your eyes, I see the world at large,
from Machu to Gibraltar to the great walls,
you surround me, you move me, you cleanse me,
you fascinate me, you show me what it means to love,
what it means to care, what it means to be transparent,
what it means to forgive, right there in your hazel eyes,
in your almond-shaped eyes, I see wonder, I see love,
the luminosity they emit strengthens me,
it lets me know you’re here and I will forever be yours.